M y B i r t h S t o ry …

On Monday 6th September (the day before my due date) we had a routine appointment to make a plan for the birth. We had been advised that an induction would be offered due to issues with my blood pressure.

At the appointment my blood pressure was deemed too high and after a blood test I was asked to stay overnight for monitoring as the results showed some abnormalities in the kidneys (caused by hypertension). After an uncomfortable night on a gurney, sleeping in my clothes without any of my belongings and listening to a woman in established labour wailing in the next room, I was moved to the antenatal ward where I had a proper bed in a semi-private room. Little did I know I’d be calling this room home for 5 days.

On Tuesday morning I was given the first stage of the induction, something called Dilapan which are gel rods inserted into the cervix which dilate over time. This was pretty uncomfortable but I immediately felt something change and was having mild contractions.

On Wednesday morning the Dilapan was removed and after an internal exam I was given another induction called Propess which is hormonal and is inserted like a tampon. I didn’t feel this one working in the same way but was assured it would be affecting the cervix and helping positioning. This was removed in the early hours of Thursday morning.

Thursday and Friday were pretty much a waiting game. My roommate was taken to labour ward on Thursday night and a new one came and went by Friday evening. I felt like Rachel from Friends in the one where she’s giving birth and all the other women come and go while she’s still in early labour! I tried to pass the time and distract myself. I went for walks in the hospital grounds and visited a beautiful Willow tree. Joel brought my yoga mat in so I could spend some time doing yoga and bouncing on the birthing ball to keep active. There was no TV in the room but I read my book and listened to audiobooks and music – it felt a lot like lockdown again.

I was assured I was first in line to go to labour ward and have my waters broken, but since my blood pressure was now under control with medication I suppose I was no longer being prioritised as ‘high risk’ and although I’d had the induction, things were moving very slowly. This is something I wish I knew beforehand; I thought inductions meant labour and birth were imminent, but this is simply not the case. On top of this the labour ward was overcrowded and there wasn’t any space for me, so I just had to keep waiting until a bed became available. It felt frustrating because I couldn’t go home and wait even though nothing much was happening and I just felt like I was taking up space. 

I started to feel impatient, especially since my newest roommate was transferred ahead of me. She began wailing and making a lot of noise, obviously in pain but not coping well with it. I’m actually glad she was taken away despite the fact it was ‘my turn’ and it was much quieter once she left so I could finally get some sleep! It was getting quite distressing to be honest and I think she was moved to spare everyone as much as to help her, as the midwives subtly hinted that she was being a bit over dramatic – but who are we to say how much pain someone is in? I was quite teary around this time as I was desperately trying to catch up on some sleep. Also I was selfishly a little annoyed that she jumped the queue as I’d been waiting so much longer. 

It felt like my labour wasn’t progressing and although I was having mild contractions (I could see them on the monitor which I was hooked up to several times a day) but they weren’t becoming stronger or more frequent. I hadn’t had any of the other classic labour signs despite walking, yoga, eating dates, watching funny shows on my phone to get oxytocin flowing – it seemed like this baby just wasn’t ready to make an appearance yet! Which made me question why am I here? Surely I could have just gone home, taken the medication and come back when things start happening? That way I could actually relax, take a bath and sleep in my own bed. I didn’t feel unwell at all, wasn’t yet in established labour and my blood pressure was now under control, but the doctors insisted I stay in for frequent monitoring since my condition could mean the placenta was no longer working as effectively.

To be honest, although I was desperate to sleep in my own bed, after waiting so long it wouldn’t feel right to leave the hospital without my baby. I knew I had to keep being patient and grateful, to keep following the Hypnobirthing and yoga teachings and just go with the flow.

On Saturday 11th, it was finally my time to move to Labour Ward! I was transferred to a private room and pretty soon the midwife came to break my waters. After this was done at about 7pm, I was told to spend a couple of hours mobilising to see if the contractions ramped up but was told it was likely they’d have to give me the hormone drip as well.

Joel and I went for a walk in the hospital grounds and then he went out to grab some food and I came back to the room to do some yoga and put on my birth playlist. While Joel was gone a team of doctors came in and suggested they start me on the hormone drip. This made me feel really pressured since there was 4 of them and I was on my own. I politely declined to make a decision until he returned since I knew he wouldnt be long and they’d previously said I’d have 2 hours to see if labour progressed naturally. I felt a little stressed out at this point but when Joel returned we agreed to wait a bit longer before accepting the hormone drip. Luckily this was the right call and my body started to take the reigns.

From about 9.30pm the contractions became stronger and closer together and I started to time them as the montior was struggling to pick them up properly and kept slipping out of position. I was told afterwards that it’s most common to move onto the hormone drip after having your waters broken artificially, so I’m thankful that my body took over here. I tried to remain as mobile as possible during this time, swaying whilst listening to my birth playlis. Joel helped a lot by giving me pressure on my lower back when the surges peaked, making sure I drank water and offering words of support : reassurance.

Things continued to get stronger throughout the night and I had no perception of time. I was told afterwards during my birth reflection appointment that I was actually sick quite a few times and couldn’t keep down the medication I was given or eat anything to keep my strength up. I remember eating just half a jelly baby despite having a full bag of much healthier and more filling labour snacks ready to go!

By 4am things were feeling really intense. I was having 5 contractions in 10 mins and had declined all pain relief as I was still feeling so sick. The problem was that there was hardly any break between the surges, so neither me or the baby had a chance to recover before the next wave hit. The doctors began to worry as his heart rate was dropping with every contraction and wasn’t able to recover due to them happening so close together.

At 5am I was given some drugs to slow contractions in order to give me and baby some relief. This wasn’t enough to reassure the team and baby still seemed distressed so at 5.20am the whole team of doctors reappeared and we were told for both our safety we’d be transferred to theatre for an emergency c-section. (The next bit is kind of a blur, which is why I’m so glad I had a birth debrief and got to go through all my notes in order to process the experience).

An emergency buzzer was pressed and the room filled with people. A hospital gown and compression socks were put on for me and Joel was given scrubs to wear. I was asked to sign some papers and then we were whisked into theatre.

At 5.45am in theatre I was given an examination and was remarkably 8cm dilated, which means I had progressed from 3cm in just an 1hr! Because I was so close to being able to deliver vaginally, the team decided that a c-section wouldn’t be necessary after all, but they did advise an epidural to ease the stress on both me and baby.

I accepted gas & air at 6am (the first pain relief I’d had) whilst in theatre as the contractions were becoming hard to manage and my body was getting tired. Luckily, this worked a treat as I was already using deep breathing and the gas hit me pretty quickly. I remember briefly speaking with the anaesthetist who was explaining the epidural and finding the whole thing really funny due to the drugs! I consented to have the epidural, although this is the opposite to what we’d put in our birth plan. I knew it was the best chance of giving baby some relief and we were both getting tired. We’d narrowly avoided the emergency C-section and I was now determined to birth this baby vaginally by whatever means necessary. I wanted to be able to feel myself pushing as it would give me some sense of control back and asked if this would still be possible with an epidural. The anaesthetist was really helpful and explained that they can give a measured amount of drugs so you can retain some sensation but won’t feel pain.

At 6.20am the epidural was given and for a moment I thought we’d be going back to our room on Labour Ward to deliver, but the monitor was again showing signs that baby was distressed. (He was really keeping everyone on their toes!) At 6.50am when I had another examination I had dilated a further 2cm and was ready to deliver in theatre. Unfortunately, baby was in an OT position (baby’s head facing to one side) which meant that an instrumental delivery was necessary to get him out.

At 7am I was put in strirrups and prepare for instrumental delivery with forceps. The baby’s head was delivered but then the emergency buzzer went again and more staff came in as his shoulders were stuck (this is known as shoulder dystocia). The team had to move my legs into something called the Mcroberts position, pushing my knees up towards my chest (thank you yoga!) which allowed baby to be born. However, I also had to be cut (an episiotomy) in order to get him out as quickly and safely as possible.

I remember the room filling with people at the exact moment that baby Rowan was pulled out, which I now know was the shift changeover to the day staff. Of course the child of two actors would wait until he had an audience to make his grand entrance! A paediatrician had been called in to check baby over before I could have skin to skin. He was taken away immediately, rubbed down and checked over by the paediatrician. That was a scary few minutws but he was soon returned & placed on my chest. It was all worth it in that moment. 

Baby Rowan was born at 7.23am on Sunday 12th September at 40 weeks + 5 days.

Afterwards I was stitched up & we were transferred to the High dependency ward due to my substantial blood loss (postpartum hemorrhage) and then we spent a couple of days on the postnatal ward recovering and getting to know our little man.

Despite absolutely nothing going ‘to plan’, I don’t see my birth experience as a negative one. I think of it as dramatic but not necessarily traumatic, which it very easily could have been. This is why framing your birth plan as a set of birth preferences is so helpful. Using breathing techniques from yoga & what I’d learnt on http://The Positive Birth Company hypnobirthing course allowed me to remain calm and all the research I’d done prior to birth emboldened me to ask questions about my care as things unfolded – this definitely helped me feel less out of control in the scary moments and enabled me to make informed decisions. I am especially glad I knew about birth reflection services and was sure to request an appointment for one before we were discharged, which meant I had the opportunity to talk through what happened with a senior midwife and process the whole experience. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to write this birth story without it!

So I didn’t labour spontaneously or get the all-natural water birth I had hoped for. I had an induction ending in an assisted delivery, an epidural & episiotomy. It would be so easy to be disappointed and upset that things veered so off-course, but I choose to focus on the positives. I laboured without any pain relief for 8 hrs prior to delivery, dancing to my playlist and focusing on the breath. Despite the interventions I birthed my baby vaginally and I’m so proud of myself for that. 

_{*Just a note to say that avoiding an emergency C-section was a huge positive for me, but I am by no means belittling those who birth their babies via cesarean. However your baby enters the world, you’ve done an incredible thing. I just knew the recovery from surgery both mentally & physically would be a struggle for me.}